There are always ways you learn things; it can be through a book, a teacher, by following the steps of a role model, or by making a mistake. The list is endless. What I never thought is how learning indirectly taught me more than I ever thought possible. Learning indirectly simply means learning when failure happens or when things don’t work out the way you wanted them to. The fact of life is most of what you are going to learn will be indirectly. After being diagnosed, you may also go through vulnerability as you try and understand this new information and create a new identity for yourself. You need to confront this new reality and there is no book, no guidelines to show you how to go on.
It is completely wrong to think that after a diagnosis your life will not change and it shouldn’t be difficult to adapt to. That knowledge isn’t even easy to accept. The recognition of that reality itself is hard. There is uncertainty in all of life. Events occur and we have no control and no warning. The uncertainly of the future has me asking questions like- what will happen to me? Will I be able to walk in five years? Ten years? Uncertainty about the future will not go away but over time, you learn to come to terms with it.
It’s not all a sad story though, and really I am not sure it ever really was. My diagnosis has forced me to look at the fragility of life and pay attention to things in life I never noticed before. I also learned not to waste my energy on things that don’t really matter. So all in all, I am not the way I once had been. But that’s okay, because learning indirectly made me realize how powerful I am.