My birthday is in August and every year around that time I try and find a few moments to reflect on the year and what I have taken from it. The days that have passed me by seem to have all merged together and become all the same. However, when I look back – everything is different.
This past year I have defiantly had my strength tested in many ways. There have been people who have tried to break me for their own gain and people who have stabbed me in the back. I have watched certain people around me ego’s grow, pride grow, and greed grow.
However, I have not allowed every negative person, every negative situation; turn me into someone I am not.
I think this past year I have also found a lot of peace. Lots of things used to bother me – especially people’s opinions. I have learned to let a lot of things go. I have learned to attack less, and walk away more. I have learned the power silence and not wasting my energy on things that do no good for me.
There is only so much energy I have each day. I can’t fight battles that don’t matter anymore.
Life also seems to become more fragile with each passing year. I know how important it is to enjoy life but in the same breath I worry about everything. Everything feels more fragile the older I get.
I take care much more than I used to. My family, friendships, and health – sometimes if you lose any one of these things, you might never get it back again. Gratitude is so important in anyone’s life, even the hardships we need to be grateful for.
If there is one thing I whole heartily believe in, it is this – you cannot do it all for yourself. You cannot go through life and only think about yourself. It’s so important to help others, to put someone before yourself sometimes, and to give more than you take.
Love and heartbreak was something I also experienced this past year. The last time I loved someone, it was like fireworks. And since than, I have compared them all to that. But that’s wrong. Completely wrong.
Because sometimes love isn’t going to be a firework. Sometimes, love will be soft.
My mom always says to me, “This too shall pass”. The good and the bad. There will always be highs and lows in life. There is no escaping it. Life is damn hard, but it is also so amazing.
If you told me this next piece of advice 5 years ago, I would have laughed. Moms know everything. I spent my early 20’s giving my friends and family advice and thinking I had the answers to everything. But now, especially in the past year, I have found myself seeking advice from my mom.
My life has thrown a lot at me and sometimes I just don’t know what to do with what I have been given. But she has always known. She has always been right.
Lastly, looking back on the last 28 years of my life I know that everything has a purpose. Something that happened 15 years ago will come full circle and you will realize one day why it happened.
So in conclusion, in a couple days I will close my eyes and blow out the candles and secretly wish for the same thing I wish for every year.
And I will look at everyone around me, every single individual who has carried me when I was most heavy, and know that all my wishes will always be for them. For you.
And finally, when the day is over and it’s time to sleep off all the cake I’ve eaten, I will look the mirror and tell myself the same thing I do every night – hang in there.
So many astonishing and wonderful things can happen.