I spent a lifetime building a wall around myself.
I didn’t want to be found,
I didn’t want to be heard.
I wanted to go through this life unnoticed.
I didn’t want you to hear everything I was feeling,
I didn’t want you to see everything I was trying to shelter you from.
But you were drawn in regardless.
And that’s how you found me.
You heard me, when I had no words.
You did not want me to carry this alone.
You did not want to run away.
You wanted to stay with me; you wanted it to be this way.
But it couldn’t be like that.
You couldn’t fix me; you couldn’t save me.
My flaws were more than yours.
The first time I looked into your eyes, I felt every piece of me heal.
I felt the pain I had been carrying with me, lift.
Everything that once weighed me down was being taken away.
I never wanted to look away; I never wanted to be away from you.
You made me feel safe.
My mind and heart will always battle over you.
I cannot fight what I feel, but I cannot ignore everything I have seen and been through.
I cannot ignore the uneven path ahead of me that is my life.
The only choice I have ever had is to keep going.
So right now, my mind wins. As it usually does.
I will never show you what my heart feels,
I will never let you feel the force inside me that will never stop loving you.
Every feeling I have for you is hiding behind my eyes.
I hope you can’t see how badly I want to be next to you,
How badly I wish it were different.