To Persevere

How I have adopted is something that continues to be a work in progress. There is no formula or answer. How do you go from being afraid to persevering? My friend, I’ll tell you…

When I was first diagnosed I was afraid to talk about it, afraid to communicate it to anyone. I didn’t want it to exist. But I knew doing nothing wouldn’t help either. So after I watched the world crash over me, I stood there and thought, “What now?”. The diagnosis stopped everything. But after that, it was up to me. It was time to fight the big fight. I was only just beginning to understand how painful growth was going to be.

There was doubt settling in the pit of my stomach. There was uncertainty about everything I once knew. The first domino had fallen and slowly, I was letting it all start to fall down. But there were tasks I had to complete, goals I wanted to achieve. Suddenly my second-guessing and insecurities were tests. I had to know that I was capable of more and that I was good enough. At this point, I had no other choice but to fight the battle in front of me. This was my test. I had to find my inner strength. And, to be honest, it wasn’t easy.

There was a voice, as quiet as a whisper, that said, “You’ll never make it’. There was a time where I wanted to give up before I even started. Self doubt, excuses, discomfort, and feelings of uneasiness. How am I ever going to measure up to someone else’s strength?

What helped me adopt was understanding and accepting that we are all just different. I started to become grateful for the abilities I still had and the experiences I will forever remember. It all started when I started looking from a different point of view. I began to see there was a future ahead of me. I began to accept myself and was happy to be me with all my conflicts. I accepted getting lost, daydreaming. I wasn’t trying to be anyone. Eventually, something came through me. Acceptance is different from quitting. It means that no matter what happens, you won’t abandon yourself in your time of need. You see, that voice telling me I’d never make it, was also what moved me.

Never listen to negative talk or pay attention to it. You will succeed where others fail. Don’t let doubt in. Surrounding myself around individuals who believed in me helped tremendously. To be honest, I was just trying to keep up with them. You led me here. These are the individuals who challenged me to grow, who cheered for me every step of the way, and also believed in themselves despite all the challenges and setbacks they have had to endure. Because you see, we all have them. Don’t ever think you are not good enough because of this.

Nobody is born to be able to instantly solve problems. We are built to get upset, hurt, stumble, and fall. That is what life is all about. To face problems, learn, adapt, and persevere. You have to have the bad to appreciate the good. My life went on. I accepted that my life was going to become more challenging, but I had to step out on my own and challenge myself. I had to finish all that I started, make the moment my own, and believe I had it in me. The biggest reason, I never stopped being grateful. Remember what you do have. Remember what you are capable of. Never forget, nothing and nobody can beat someone that never gives up.

I wrote this blog in 2013 and thought it was appropriate to post now. Why now? It was the other day that I was laying in bed and realized that I have been battling this disease longer than not. I started showing the early signs of something wrong when I was 13 years old. 13 years of my life were as “normal” as can be. I am now 28 years old, which means it has been 15 years since my battle has started. My healthy days have now been outnumbered by my sick.

Perseverance to me means that you never stop fighting. It means believing in yourself and making the best with what you have.

Sometimes I wonder if one day I won’t be able to lift myself off the ground. I wonder if I’ll ever have the strength to endure what lies ahead. I have hit many brick walls and encountered many defeats.

But none of it has stopped me. It has showed me who I am, what I can rise from, and how I can show the world just how badly I want something.

If you fall down today, remember to stand tomorrow.

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