Hello 2019

Oh 2018, what a year it has been.

2018 was the year of learning and letting go.

I am really amazed at how much I learn about myself each passing year, honestly.
I will be turning 30 this year and I keep thinking, this is it. There really can’t be more.

But there is always more, so much more.

In my mid twenties I learned that I could not please everyone and that life was not perfect and it was never going to be so there was no point wasting any of my energy on trying to be perfect.

I think my illness really helped me with that. Everyone around me was so focused on going to the best school, wearing the best clothes, driving the best car, getting the best grades, etc. When I got sick, none of that shit mattered to me anymore. It didn’t matter.

My focus changed going forward and I am so grateful that it did.

But admittedly, there is so much more I need to learn and I have no doubt that 2019 will be another great year of growth.

One thing I hope to learn in 2019 is to stop accepting less than I deserve.

I hope I can be stronger than those who throw rocks and think it devalues me.
I hope in 2019 I have the strength to move on,
Because I know one day I will look back and be so thankful that I didn’t settle.

I hope I learn to let go of hate.

Because hate is damn heavy.
I know I don’t need to like everyone,
But I need to learn to burn it,
And leave it behind me.

I hope 2019 is the year decades of words come to life.

There has been something quietly growing,
Something that has given me light in every moment of darkness.
I have never given up on this dream of mine,
I have refused to let go no matter how badly it hurt to hold on,
And I hope one day I can share it with you.

And lastly, I hope in 2019 I can simplify my life in every way possible and just focus all my energy on doing what makes me happy.

I will read more,
I will act more,
I will be more,
I will keep going.

I will try harder.

I want to live the rest of my life repaying those who have got me here.
I know it will never, ever be enough.
I know I will not even come close to give as much as I have received.
But I am going to start.
And that is going to be my goal.

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