There are a lot of posts that I write that never actually get uploaded. This being one of them. And I guess the timing didn’t feel right years ago, but for whatever reason, it does now.
Perhaps the recent events in the world have reminded me how short life can be and how easily it can change in an instant. So now more than ever I am reminded how important it is to tell the people who you admire just how important they are to you and how much you still care for them.
Because lets be honest, you just never forget about people like that.
Writers are generally very quiet,
we say very little,
but our minds are always full of stars and mountains.
That’s how I knew I wanted to write.
I had way too much trapped inside of me,
and I wanted it to live.
But I wasn’t sure how it could.
There seemed to always be this struggle inside of me,
between sharing my thoughts,
or hiding them.
One side wanted to heal, to love.
The other wanted to be alone, to hide.
Two sides, which were always fighting.
It was much easier to hide,
To build a wall around myself and all that tormented me.
But I grew lonely behind that wall, very quickly.
I felt stuck,
and I thought, maybe one day I will escape this.
But I never did.
I was fighting myself; I was fighting everything I was feeling because I didn’t want to feel it.
I was angry,
I was grieving,
I wanted to rest,
and I wanted to be left alone.
The truth was, it wasn’t just flowers and stars in my head,
I was also battling a storm that clouded everything,
and it came for me everyday.
And that is when I met him.
On the outside, he looked normal,
but on the inside,
a wolf lived inside of him.
He was wild and unafraid, so unlike myself.
But there was no hate in his eyes,
no greed in his mouth.
Something within me knew right away he wasn’t going to hurt me.
I saw a strength and power I had never seen before,
and I desperately wanted it.
I wanted to know more about him, so I came a little closer,
and I hoped he would let me.
I could tell that there were so many feelings and thoughts inside of him,
so many that mirrored my own.
I could see that he too was fighting something,
and I could tell he grew tired of it.
But he didn’t try to hide any of it,
not from me, not from anyone.
Normally, we always show people the good aspects of ourselves,
and we hide the rest.
He was never afraid to show his wounds,
and he was the one that inspired me to show mine.
I was so silent about my pain,
so unaware that by trying to hide it,
I was allowing it to suffocate me.
His words inspired me,
they educated me,
and I am so grateful for the courage and risks he has taken.
He is someone who altered my life,
someone who opened himself up so much,
and never left any emotions unsaid.
When my life was crushing me,
he chose to protect me,
when he had every opportunity to leave me behind.
I’ve always had a deeply, hidden desire to write about him.
He is one of those rare human beings that you meet,
and you just want to know everything about them.
He is one of the kindest souls,
a soul that always made me feel safe.
To this day, I have no idea how he found my hiding place,
but I am so thankful he did.
His words have held me,
they have looked me in the face,
and told me to keep going.
He carried the weight for me when I couldn’t do it anymore.
He tasted my pain so I would taste less of it.
He taught me that it was okay to take a risk,
to reveal my heart,
to feel it.
He showed me that everything that lived inside me needed the rain to survive.
You found me at a time where I didn’t know where to go;
I didn’t know who to believe.
I felt like nobody understood me,
I felt like nobody was going through it like I was.
But you came along and your cries were the most beautiful sound I had ever heard. And I realized I needed you; I needed people like you. Your voice found mine, and now I wanted mine to find others. I didn’t want to go through this alone.
And I found a purpose for this blog, for my writing.
That I would never stop searching for the hearts that were like mine,
for the cries that needed to be saved.
I would never stop searching for the ones that wanted to be seen and understood.
Because of you, I realized that I needed to keep going.
And I will always love you for that.